By Definition, It's Child Abuse

You don't have to be a doctor or counselor to recognize the signs of physical child abuse. When the abuse is emotionally inflicted, however you do have to know the symptoms to look for in a child with deep-rooted scar tissue below the epidermis. Whether the wounds are external or internal, they will BOTH affect a child's self-esteem, demeanor, and their interpersonal relationships for the rest of their lives.  To glean more information on documented cases of physical child abuse, you can read countless numbers of books or simply check your local newspaper or television broadcast.

For information on documented emotional child abuse cases, you would be hard-pressed to find any. Yet it is all around us! If you to speak to even a few divorced couples who share children, you can bet one of those couples is experiencing a custody battle.  When the dissolution of the union gets contentious, one of the parents will undoubtedly begin alienating their child from the other parent. Some common tactics used by these vengeful parents are:

• Not allowing phone calls or monitoring phone calls via speakerphone between the child and the targeted parent
• Telling the child that the other parent doesn't love them anymore
• Sharing litigation details of their custody case with the child
• Withholding legal visitation from the targeted parent
• Saying disparaging remarks about the targeted parent in front of the child
• Interrogating the child upon return from visitation with the targeted parent
• Rewarding the child when they loyally obey to ignore or show disdain for the targeted parent
• Suddenly filing false child abuse allegations in order to obtain a restraining order and keep the child from the targeted parent

There are more ways and words that are used.  The frequency with which they are, will determine the mental stability of the innocent victim, the child.  Who is looking out for these children?  Who is talking to them about what they are going through?  Which judges determining the fate of a child's best interest in time-sharing are hearing the truth from the child, themselves?  If the alienation is not exposed and corrected early on, children will believe what is being told to them by the alienating parent.and  feel compelled to hate their targeted parent.  These children grow up hating half of themselves since they were created by both of their parents equally.  They listen to, learn, and emulate, the hatred and manipulations.  They haven't a chance to live the life of the child they should be.  

I'm not suggesting that children should be put on a witness stand and made to feel uncomfortable, I only wish that these children were allowed to use their voices to tell the truth to someone who is deciding their well-being.  Most divorces and custodial arguments are he said-she said and somewhere in the middle is the truth.  Somewhere in the middle is the child!  Why not let these children be heard privately in chambers by the judge in every high-conflict custody case?  

There are simple changes to the laws and statutes in our country that would certainly reduce the number of children being emotionally abused through parental alienation.  The obvious answer is equal time-sharing for both parents at the onset of their separation.  There are two reasons this would help. First, a child having equal time with each parent is also equally influenced and equally parented by both parents.  Second, it is a standard rule for child support to be based on the percentage of time spent with each parent. A parent with eighty-percent custody will receive child support commensurate with that time.  If their custodial time is reduced, their (tax-free income of) support is also reduced, if not altogether removed.  This is a common reason one parent wants to "keep" the child a majority of the time.  They feel these innocent children are their possessions, and treat them as pawns.  There is no other valid reason for a parent not nurturing a relationship between their child and their other healthy and loving parent.  That's when false child abuse allegations suddenly occur. Even though the marriage of the parents had no documented child abuse, suddenly, when a parent wants to alienate their child,  the targeted parent is now "physically or sexually abusive" to the child. When false allegations are made, it isn't just the targeted parent who suffers.  The child will be interrogated and physically examined, yet the alienating parent has no regard or remorse.  How much can these children take?  This is why we must make changes to reduce the traumatic familial epidemic of parental alienation in the United States and worldwide.  We must enact and enforce 50/50 visitation for every biological parent.

Recognizing the signs of a child who has been caught in the middle and alienated by one of their parents takes practice.  We must listen carefully and document mentally, the comments heard from one parent and note if they were made in front of their child/ren.  Then, we must take other behavioral symptoms from which we are familiar in physically abusive cases and apply them to potentially emotional abusive scenarios.  These can be:

• A child suddenly becoming more isolated in school or social settings
• A child ignoring one parent when both are present yet when alone seems very close to the targeted parent
• A child using derogatory terms when describing one of their parents (if terms such as "stress", "child support" or "in court" are used by a child, they are likely being mentally tainted by an alienating parent)
• A child looking around to see if the alienating parent is around when they hug or show kindness to their alienated parent (coast is clear so I can be nice)
• A child unwilling to "talk about" their other parent in the presence of the alienating parent or their friends and family (because they will "get in trouble" later)
• A child suddenly swearing or seeking more dark, dismal, and aloof friends
• A child self-harming
• A child thinking or talking about suicide

Once these symptoms appear in a child, then what?  Report it.  It is the law.  In Florida, our  Child Abuse definition in Statute 827.03 reads:  1. Intentional infliction of physical or mental injury upon a child; 2. An intentional act that could reasonably be expected to result in physical or mental injury to a child; or 3. Active encouragement of any person to commit an act that results or could reasonably be expected to result in physical or mental injury to a child.

Our courts are currently doing nothing about emotional child abusers.  No sanctions. Nothing.  This is a crime; this isn't for civil family courts.  Parents are withholding visitation (for weeks, days, even years) but no one cares how this directly affects these innocent children.  Why are their legal custodial agreements if judges or the law won't enforce them?  These abusers must be punished and stopped.  We, the public can write books, articles, share our stories and knowledge, but a child's fate is ultimately is in the hands of subjective judges.  They are the sole decision makers and they are the parties responsible for their own rulings. In Florida, our legislature has enacted a new statute with "shared parenting" being the new standard.  "Shared Parenting" is not at all "shared custody".  That's the legal loophole that must be closed.  We can't save these children until the laws change but we can, (and it is our legal duty to do so) report child abuse, if suspected.  So, just in case you don't see the physical scars, when there are symptoms present, there absolutely could be emotional child abuse. Please share this article and REPORT ALL SUSPECTED CHILD ABUSE.  You may even do this anonymously, and help save a child's future.

What does Equal Custody have to do with Alimony Reform?

State Sen. Tom Lee won’t give up on trying to amend Florida law on alimony and child custody. On Thursday, Lee filed a bill (SB 250) to change the way divorces are handled in state courts. This marks at least the third time since 2013 that Lee, a Brandon Republican, has supported such an overhaul bill. It will be considered in the 2016 regular session. The latest legislation – 41 pages long – would enact a raft of provisions, including: ♦ Requiring a judge to “make specific written findings of fact regarding the relevant factors that justify an award of alimony.” ♦ Changing the calculations for alimony amounts to make it less easy to get. That includes considering what an ex-spouse could be making if he or she is otherwise “voluntarily unemployed or underemployed.” ♦ Excluding undistributed “earnings or gains on retirement accounts” when determining income for alimony purposes. ♦ Creating a legal presumption that “approximately equal time-sharing with a minor child by both parents is … in the (child’s) best interest.” ♦ Requiring a judge to consider “the frequency that a parent would likely leave the child in the care of a nonrelative … when the other parent would be available and willing to provide care” when deliberating custody time. Gov. Rick Scott in 2013 vetoed a contentious measure, also supported by Lee, that would have ended so-called “permanent alimony.” It was backed by two other Republicans: state Rep. Ritch Workman of Melbourne and state Sen. Kelli Stargel of Lakeland. Scott said he appreciated that lawmakers wanted to “level the playing field in divorce proceedings.” But he said he couldn’t sign the bill because it could have “retroactively” reduced alimony payments, causing “unfair, unanticipated results.” This year, another measure died that also would have mandated alimony awards based on how long a marriage lasted and how much each partner earned. Lee has gone through his own ugly divorce, clashing with his ex-wife for more time with his kids, among other things. But at the time, he insisted he wasn’t pushing any legislation for himself, but to help others in the future in similar legal binds.

When a Parental Alienator Murders her child before Allowing Targeted Parent to have Custodial Rights

Father Pushing For ‘Eryk’s Law’ After Son’s Murder At Hands Of Ex-Wife January 5, 2012 10:47 PM By Jack Fink SACHSE (CBSDFW.COM) – All Rod McCall can do is take comfort in the memories he had with his 7-year-old son Eryk. “That’s what I remember. Just a happy go lucky kid. When he was with me, we had a good time.” Those good times were cut short in October. McCall’s estranged wife Karen shot and killed their son, then herself at their home in Sachse. Only an hour before, a jury awarded McCall sole custody following a bitter battle in which McCall was accused of abusing his son, but cleared of any wrongdoing. Mccall says, “My attorney said Rod, go get your son. Go now.” He says Eryk wasn’t at school that day, but home with his grandparents. So McCall says he got to the house as quickly as possible and knocked on the door. “I was hoping to avoid a confrontation.” While still standing at the front door, McCall says he remembers seeing Karen’s parents walk across the street. “That’s when I heard the gunshots. Police tell us to get down, and I’m just standing there mortified.” McCall says a week before their custody trial, he warned his attorney something like this could happen. “I wish I had asked that she not be allowed to leave the courtroom until Eryk was safe.” Now, nearly three months later, McCall is on a mission to create a new state law, named after his son. “I want to try to make Eryk’s death mean something by changing the way in which once a case goes before a judge or jury, that children can be protected in a way they don’t suffer like Eryk did.” McCall contacted the office of State Representative Stefani Carter of Dallas about his proposal. In a statement to CBS 11, Carter says she is “Currently researching whether there can be a legislative solution to prevent such a tragedy from happening to another family.” McCall says they’ve raised money to make pins calling for Eryk’s law. He says he appreciates all of the cards and letters he’s received from his former high school students, and even strangers from other states. But he says it is still difficult to get through the dark days. “I was looking forward to teaching him how to play ball, cub scouts, teaching him all the things my dad taught me, and now, I don’t get to.” McCall says he has set up the Eryk McCall Memorial Fund at the American National Bank in Wylie and Sachse. He says the money raised will help him make up for the costs associated with funeral expenses.

EVERY STATE (and for that matter, COUNTRY!) MUST DO THE SAME FOR ALIENATED PARENTS!

OKLAHOMA CITY – Law-abiding noncustodial parents will no longer have to deal with having their visitation rights ignored or violated thanks to legislation signed into law Tuesday. Senate Bill 1612, by Sen. Ron Sharp and Rep. Jon Echols, will ensure that custodial parents honor court-ordered visitation schedules for noncustodial parents or face punishment. "This bill is about holding custodial parents more responsible for honoring visitation schedules. Unfortunately, the visitation rights of law-abiding noncustodial parents are continually trampled because they simply can't afford the court costs of taking the custodial parent to court after every visitation violation," said Sharp, R-Shawnee. "This bill keeps noncustodial parents from having to go through the hassle and expense of getting a lawyer when the custody schedule isn't upheld by the custodial parent. They can simply fill out a form at the courthouse detailing the visitation schedule violations and the courts will reevaluate the visitation schedule and punish the violator if needs be." SB 1612 modifies the procedure for enforcing visitation orders of the court. It requires any order of the court providing for visitation to contain a provision stating that the custodial parent has a duty to facilitate visitation of a minor child with the noncustodial parent. In addition, the measure directs a court to award reasonable attorney fees and court costs to the prevailing party on a motion for enforcement of visitation rights. Echols, who is a family law attorney, says violations of court-ordered visitation by custodial parents are growing at an alarming rate but the noncustodial parents typically cannot afford to fight for their rights. He also noted that a majority of District Attorney's office in Oklahoma have a division dedicated to securing child support payments from noncustodial parents, and he's pleased to finally see more focus being given to protecting the visitation rights of noncustodial parents. "Currently, if a noncustodial parent is late on child support, they can face fines and jail time. Our state takes not paying child support very serious but we also need to be just as serious about custodial parents following court orders and allowing the other parent to see their children," said Echols. "A common problem we see is that noncustodial parents usually can't afford an attorney to fight for their visitation rights after having paid all of their child support and other support obligations. No one should have their rights violated because they can't afford to defend themselves. This bill will give noncustodial parents the ability to fight for their visitation rights without having to worry about the expense." The bill allows the noncustodial parent to directly file a claim to the District Court, similar to completing a small claims form. The court will then decide whether or not an attorney is necessary to restore the visitation rights. The bill provides a template of the form that noncustodial parents can use. "It's emotionally devastating when one parent keeps a child away from their other parent especially because of past animosities. Those emotional issues aren't the child's fault and children shouldn't be used as pawns following messy divorces," said Sharp. "Both parents have a right to be a part of their children's lives. This is an effort ensure both parents act responsibly and in the best interest of their children by following court orders." SB 1612 was strongly supported by numerous district attorneys, family law attorneys and community leaders from around the state. The bill will go into effect November 1, 2014.

A True Story of Parental Alienation, Depression, & Suicidal Ideations

It took six years to finalize this true story of child abuse.  There are many stories of physical abuse but too few of emotional torture even though many state statutes include the words, "mental infliction of pain," in their very definition of "Child Abuse".

Please read Protecting Emilie and learn how courts permit parents to get away with this crime of alienating a child from their other parent by denigrating the other parent, making false child abuse claims, filing for erroneous protective orders, withholding phone calls and visitation, and a litany of other manipulative strategies.  The children are the ultimate victims as they become recluse, feel worthless, become depressed, begin self-harming and even suicidal.  Family courts have turned into playgrounds for parents seeking vengeance against their child's other parent.  But this is preventable abuse if the judges would simply keep their oath by acknowledging and enforcing the statutes by which they were sworn to do so.   

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